I was young once. I know that's hard to believe, but it's true. I was once a young, idealistic, raging perfectionist. No amount of work was too much. No amount of sleep was too little. I was going to do it all, every time, and it was going to be perfect. Of course, this lead to periods of moodiness and periodic mini-breakdowns every six months or so. No one appreciated me! No one understood how hard I worked! No one valued my contributions! Without me, the whole office/gym/department would completely cease to function!
Except, it wouldn't have. What I failed to understand in those youthful (and somewhat unbalanced) years is that I was not helping. When I was overworked to the point of emotional upset, I was not able to play a positive role in the workplace. My exhaustion created so much turmoil that I actually made the workplace LESS productive. My complaining about working so many extra shifts (that I volunteered for) and having no vacations (that I was offered and refused, repeatedly) lead to resentments that festered for years. I would have been so much better off -- and the company would have been so much better off -- if I had just slowed down a bit and allowed myself to function at my highest level.
I remember, in high school, working as a waitress at the local golf course club house. I injured my shoulder carrying buckets of ice, and then I irritated it at cheerleading camp. I was really hurting, but I was determined not to let my supervisor down. She was a really neat lady, all smiles and sweetness. I didn't want to leave her in a lurch, so I insisted on soldiering on despite my gimpiness. Um...you can't waitress with one arm. It can't be done in any kind of productive manner. So my co-workers had to work extra hard to make up for my inefficiency. They were resentful (understandably), and I was resentful because I felt unappreciated. I was still there, in pain! I was doing my best! It would have been so much better to have taken a few weeks off, admitting that I couldn't do my best work until I healed. (It's amazing how clear these things are with a good 20 years worth of perspective.)
It's our duty, to ourselves and the people around us, to know our own boundaries. No one can determine that for us. No one else is in our mind and body. (Besides, when we are in the heart of the martyrdom of self-sacrifice, we wouldn't accept that vacation/time off/break/rest anyway!) And, if we don't take responsibility for our own needs, it is no one else's fault. No, they aren't appreciating our sacrifices. No, they don't understand how much we are doing for them. Because we ARE NOT HELPING. In our exhaustion, we are creating more problems and leaving chaos in our wake. We like to think that we are irreplaceable and that, without our constant alertness, our companies will dissolve. It's just not true. The ONLY place where you are irreplaceable is in your own life. Your sanity, your happiness and your health are absolute requirements for you. So take care of yourself. Say "No" sometimes, and take that vacation.
"Sure, I've been a victim, but in retrospect, most of it has been of my own making. I allowed it to happen."
~Wayne Newton
"I am not the victim of the world I see. How can I be the victim of a world that can be completely undone if I so choose? My chains are loosened. I can drop them off merely by desiring to do so. The prison door is open. I can leave simply by walking out. Nothing holds me in this world. Only my wish to stay keeps me a prisoner. I would give up my insane wishes and walk into the sunlight at last." ~ Marianne WilliamsonLabels: Marianne Williamson, martyr, perfection, rest, vacation, victim, Wayne Newton, work, young